Merry Christmas 2012!

(Mama and Baby Liam)

Christmas was a whirlwind. Johnson house Christmas Eve, Shaw house Christmas morning, Birch house Christmas afternoon, and we're finally home. The babes are tucked in their beds with full bellies, hopefully dreaming of goodness and all the hugs and kisses they've received today.

(Baby Finn and Baby Liam are the stars of Christmas Morning.)

I watched my children today. They didn't understand opening gifts or the "Merry Christmas" wishes that were sent their way. They definitely didn't understand all the time in the car. But they smiled and cooed and brightened the day of those who held them. Today was a long day for mama and daddy, but they were our little troopers. There were meltdowns, but who can blame a little 5 month old for only wanting a clean diaper and a bottle?

(Liam and Grandma S taking a nap.)

Old traditions were kept, some were not, and new traditions were created with our new additions. Christmas Eve was spent with Grandma and Grandpa J and Uncle Shane. We ate dinner, read Luke 2, had a wonderful FHE on personal gifts, which was followed by beautiful presents made by Lori for each of us (Brandon, Shane, and me).  Afterwards, we opened the rest of our presents and ate some cream puffs. When we left, the world outside was covered with a blanket of white snow, but the air was clear. It was a perfect Christmas Eve night.

(Joey made this monkey bread for breakfast. Even if it did light the oven on fire, it was still yummy!)

Christmas morning, Liam was up at 5:30 am and he wouldn't go back to sleep. So I picked him up out of his crib and snuggled him in our bed. He fell back to sleep, but I was awake. So, I carried myself into the family room and laid on the couch, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. I reminisced on Christmas past and remembered that it was at 5:30 am exactly 1 year ago that I went into the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. I was so nervous. Then I saw the (+) and I started to cry. B, thinking I was crying because it was negative, rushed in to comfort me. When he opened the door I showed him the test. And he started to cry. It was a wonderful, surreal moment.

Remember this?

(Mom and Dad's Christmas gift to us. I miss my brother.)

While we fed babies, B and I opened gifts to each other and the little Santa gifts for the babes. Then we packed up and headed to the Shaw's for Christmas breakfast and presents. Whit had just come off a night shift at the hospital and the rest of us were a little tired, including the babes. So, we packed up and went home. We laid the twins down, got ready, got the twins up, changed them, and fed them. Unfortunately, we were about 2 hours late to the Birch Christmas party- such is our life right now. We ate more food, exchanged gifts, and played games.  And the babes were marvelous. 

(Grandma Birch all dressed up in Christmas cheer!)

I love Christmas. But, in all the hustle and bustle of trying to get gifts wrapped, cards sent, and food made...I found myself stressed and grumpy. In the midst of loading crying babies in carseats and driving through stormy weather and/or icy roads to attend another family party, getting uptight with each other became easier for B and I. At the height of all the commotion, B expressed to me "I'm not annoyed with you. I'm annoyed with Christmas." As we talked, I realized that, sometimes, in trying to keep with the traditions of the holiday, we can loose perspective on the meaning behind our celebration. It was so ironic to me that the last thing I wanted to do was be Christ-like on the day we celebrate His birth, His life, and the gifts He offers us freely. Such a disappointment for me when I clued in that I was losing the "reason for the season".  

(Two loves of my life: Baby Liam and Baby Finn)

Then my little brother sent his email from the MTC. The last few sentences in his letter read  "I hope you all have such a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Just remember to keep Christ always in your heart, there in lies true happiness...This truly has been the best Christmas I have ever had!"  My heart warmed as I remembered my days as a missionary and I recognized that I am the happiest when I am closest to my Savior. When I spend more time giving thanks for my blessings instead of wasting energy on worrying about what I don't have. When I serve others instead of having expectations of what others "should" do for me. When I quickly forgive instead of being offended and holding on to hurt feelings. When I look for the best, not the worst in people. When I hope and not fear. When the Savior is the center of my home, my family, and my life.

Merry Christmas to all! Prayers for peace, joy, and gladness as we celebrate our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He loves us. And I know, along with Elder Shaw, that true happiness comes from following Him.

6 real things I love about my real life RIGHT NOW.

(This is decorating the Christmas tree this year. Brandon did NOT like the tinsel, but I put it on anyway.

Then I agreed it looked a little cheap. So we took it off. He wasn't super happy about any of it.)

1. Brandon Johnson. What does a "perfect marriage" look like? Is it two people who always look, act, and feel their very best? Is it a union void of any trials, tests, or turns? I admit my ideas have evolved over the past couple of years. I have learned, even over the short time we have been married, that a successful marriage requires hardships, because that's when a husband and wife have the opportunity to give selflessly and buoy each other. Jesus Christ is perfect love. And when we follow His example, we feel that, especially in the sacred bonds of marriage. Faith, Hope, Charity. We hear about these things all the time, but do we act when it really counts- when it's really hard? Brandon Johnson is my husband. He is my best friend. He is my partner. He is the person I share my most intimate self with and he holds my very fragile heart. And now, he is the father of my children. I love my life with him.

(Liam and Finn)

2. Liam and Finn. I love to hear Liam talk. It is one of the loveliest sounds. The more he grows, the louder the chatter becomes. And I LOVE it. At night, after we feed the boys, we sit in the rocking chairs in the nursery and sing songs to our babies. I love watching Finn try to sing along. It melts my heart. It makes me laugh. It makes B laugh. I love that Finn is almost above 80th percentile in almost all his stats. I love that he is 17 lbs. I love that Liam is 14 lbs. Because that means they are growing. And there were weeks and months when that's all my heart wanted. I wanted big, healthy babies. And that's what I have.

 (Whitney and Joey Rino)

3. I love that I can text my sister at 8:30 am and ask if she watched last night's episode of "Parenthood". I love that we will text back and forth about how many tissues we needed to get through it and how our husbands cry too. Then, our conversation evolves into expressions of love for our family, for our lives, for the goodness that we have been given. I love that we can still laugh at our childhood and agree that we have a good life. I love that she will drop everything to drive to my house so I can sleep for a couple of hours, while she cleans, feeds my babies, and cooks us dinner. I love that our husbands can laugh together. I love that she shares her dreams with me and I with her. I love that she loves my babies.

(T. M. Shaw)

4. I love littlest Chee. She likes to come over and watch Project Runway and I offer her anything in my pantry to eat. Usually she prefers a banana with Nutella. I try and keep Nutella stocked for this very reason. I love that she will automatically go pick up a baby when they start crying. I love that she has similar aspirations that I had at her age and that she stresses about them as much as I did. But, she can do the splits. And is much more popular. And has the best legs and feet in the family. And is more strong-willed than my young 15-year-old self. And I love that.

(Elder saying goodbye.)

5. I love that Elder Shaw is in the MTC. He has been there since November 28th. I miss him, but I know he is in the right place. I received a letter from him yesterday and my heart burst. He is growing up so fast and his testimony of Jesus Christ is so strong. It makes me miss my days as a missionary. It has caused me to have dreams for the past week about being called on another mission. It's weird. I am sad that he won't get to hold my children again until they are about 2 years old, but I am so so happy that he is able to spread the Gospel to people in Mexico. There are few greater experiences than watching an individual or family literally change before your eyes as they accept the teachings of Jesus Christ. (here's a little video of our family saying goodbye.)

(Baby Liam playing with Aunt Diane.)

6. I love that B's Aunt Diane is in town. I could sit and listen to her talk for hours...mostly because I love that eastern accent. I also love hearing her and B's dad talk about their childhood in New York. And I love her love affair with cakes, cookies, and other forms of deliciousness. Last night we met up at City Creek and had dinner. Then we went to Temple Square. What do I love most about Diane? She can laugh. I LOVE laughing. In fact, there were a couple of comments B made to me last night that got me laughing so hard, I almost didn't make it through the door and into the bathroom before wetting my pants. I grew up with a mom who can gut-laugh 'til tears flow down her face.  Some of our greatest memories have to do with laughing. Feeling down? Try laughing. Especially at yourself.

For posterity's sake!

(Gramps with Liam)

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about my children's future. I wonder who they will become, the choices they will make, the mark they will leave on the world. I contemplate my role as their mother and the influence I have. On one of our early-morning walks, I expressed to my dad the concerns I had about the world my children are growing up in. I asked him what he thought was the best thing I could do to help them be strong. His answer was "Teach them that they are children of God, that He loves them, and that you love them." I admit I was a little surprised that was the extent of his advice. Is it really that simple?

(Baby Finn)

I sincerely believe everyone of us is a pioneer in our own way. We may not be asked to trek thousands of miles on foot, but we are required to trek everyday through good and bad choices, relationships that are sources of joy and heartbreak, and hardships that result from unemployment, sickness, and/or death of a loved one. In the midst of such a loud, negative world, the threat of falling into a spiritual drought or crisis becomes increasingly possible, and unfortunately, normal.

(Grandma with Finn)

As I pay attention to those around me, specifically close relatives and ancestors, I force myself to take note of their legacy. The trials they endured and the choices they made are not parallel to those required of me. But, I honor the trek they made, because there is no doubt in my mind that some of the decisions my grandparents and parents made have had direct effect on the life I live.

(Baby Liam)

Today, I am grateful for parents. I am grateful for grandparents. I am grateful for ancestors. I am also grateful for posterity. What choices do I make today that will influence the lives of my children's children? I must recognize that a legacy is being built, even within the monotonous day-to-day. For posterity's sake, I put my shoulder to the wheel, for there is no greater work I can think of.

St. George called. Bring them babies back!

I convinced myself and B that we should take the opportunity to travel to St. George, UT with my family to see my grandparents. There was much hesitation, mostly due to stress that accompanies any travel time with two 4 month old babies. But, my parents were willing to stop any time we needed and Parker and T were great help with feeding, changing, and holding.

(Gramps with Liam and Grandma looking at the tree with Finn.)

It was Grandpa Day's 80th birthday and we surprised them by coming down with the babes. They were excited to see us, but Liam and Finn were definitely the main event. I will never get over the joy of watching people love on my babies.

(Saturday morning. The Johnson family all together.)

So, how did the babies do? I can honestly say they did great for a majority of the trip! Poor baby Finn was a little constipated and couldn't poop the whole trip. Sleeping in a play pen was also a little weird, but they were smily and happy most of the time. Advice for traveling with twin babies? No matter how much you plan, make lists, and try to organize...just remember you WILL forget things. It is bound to happen. It WILL happen. Also, your babies run the show. You will strive as hard as you can to stick to the schedule you've worked so hard on for the past couple of months. Don't get discouraged if the schedule is thrown out the window, because chances are it takes a vacation while you do. But, you do your best. And your babies still remain happy and content...for at least 2 days. We aren't brave enough to venture any further at this time.

This is the last time P will see Grandma and Gramps for 2 years. He leaves for the MTC next week! 

Today? I'm grateful my babes are doing this. (side note: what is it about sleeping babies that is so angelic?) Anyway, B and I laid them on the bed while we packed up Sunday morning. When we went in to check on them, this is what we saw. Man, vacations are a lot of work. Especially when you're 4 months old. Grateful for a safe trip to St. George. Grateful for good weather. Grateful to spend time with extended family. Grateful to be home.

I've got the POWER!

(Baby Liam and Baby Finn)

Yesterday morning the babes and I were finishing up our morning routine when the light went out. I checked around the house and awoke my sleeping husband to announce "Brand, the power's out." After B checked the power box, walked the neighborhood, and called Rocky Mountain Power, we loaded ourselves in our car and headed to my parents' house.

When the power came back around 10:00 pm, we loaded everyone back in the car and headed home. On the way to our house, I kept thinking in my mind how inconvenient this whole day was for me and my fussy babies. Then, my mind filled with images from recent Superstorm Sandy and the many, MANY people without power still...weeks later. I felt embarrassed.

I snapped this picture this morning. Obviously, things returned to normal very quick. The babes slept through the night and are pretty happy today. I am grateful for a warm house with power, food, and lots of love. Life gets inconvenient. Be grateful anyway.

Family Night is a special night.

(Grandpa Johnson watching Liam and Uncle Shane holding Finn.)

When I was pregnant with the twins, we would go to dinner on Sundays at B's parents' house and I would joke how different things would be when the babes arrived. No surprise that I was correct. We still enjoy having Family Night at the Johnson's, even if one or two of us must postpone eating dinner to feed a baby, lessons are interrupted by crying, poopy diapers, or a smile or coo that must be recognized at that moment, and entertainment is pretty much just babies on the floor. Yeah, things are different. But, it's terribly wonderful.

I never thought I would find so much joy in watching people kiss, cuddle, and interact with my children. The minute we walk through the door at Grandma and Grandpa Johnson's house, there is no doubt these babies are loved to the moon. I watch my father-in-law's eyes light up as he welcomes each baby to his home. He makes sure to talk to each baby individually, which I love. My mother-in-law kisses my babies all night and it makes me so happy. I think one of the best parts of staying home with my kids all day is kissing their cheeks, feet, and hands anytime I want. It's glorious. I can't get enough of them. Neither can B's mama. If Shane isn't at the door right when we walk up the porch, he makes sure to be one of the first as we walk in the house. He is so good with the babies, it's amazing. (Ladies, listen up!) He loves to get down on the floor and play with them, even if just letting their little hands grab his fingers. I love it when he gets his camera out to catch a little smile or funny expression. My babies are so adored and it's fantastic.

Today, I'm grateful for in-laws. I'm grateful for unconditional love surrounding our little family. I love feeling like rockstars every time we leave their home. It's a good "refresher" as we start another crazy week.

You know that life we wanted? We're living it.

(Baby Finn with Brandon)

October is over and November has begun. It's the month we celebrate giving thanks for our bounties. Right now I am on the computer and my little babes are playing on the floor next to me. They are kicking their legs, smiling, and looking around. During these moments I remind myself that all the long days and nights are worth it. As the weeks pass by, I am continuing to learn the sacredness of the work I do. It's not glamorous. In fact, it can leave a lady feeling tired and frumpy. Fact: I don't think I've put on make-up since Sunday. Fact: My legs are hairy. Fact: The shirt I am currently wearing has a layer of spit up covering my shoulders. 

But this life I live...this life Brandon and I live? It's what we dreamed. I remember when we were first married, we would lay in bed and talk about our family. We would dream about our kids and what they would look like, act like, be like. I don't think we realized how much work those dreams would require or how much sleep or "Brandon & Megan Time" would have to be rationed. But, I also don't think we were prepared for the amount of love we would feel in our hearts or the happiness we would experience. 

That life we wanted? That life we dreamed about? We're living it. And I am incredibly grateful.