Friday, October 19, 2012

One of those days, weeks, whatever...

Brandon walks in the door from work and asks how my day was. My response is unchanged from the previous day: "Long." I sigh to myself and B asks what's wrong. "I'm tired." I give him a grocery list and he heads to the store. I finish burping the baby I have in my arms and lay him in his carseat while I use the bathroom. I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and groan out loud. I run my fingers under some water and try to wipe away the spit-up residue on my sleeve as I ask myself "Why even use a burp cloth?"

I spend a couple extra minutes on the toilet. Such a glamorous place to find a moment of quiet. When I come back out to the living room, I notice baby is awake and babbling. I start to talk to him when something familiar catches my eye. "You've got to be kidding me! Again?" Baby has blown poop right out the side of his pants. It's on his legs, tummy, socks, hands, blanket, and carseat. Angry that I had decided to give Pampers a second chance, I pick baby up and carry him to the changing table. I try to keep things as clean and untouched as possible, but I give up when he decides to pee right after I take the diaper off. "Aw, forget it!" I strip 'im down and put baby in the crib. This doesn't go over well and baby starts to cry. I get the disinfectant wipes and start to scrub the changing table. Baby cries harder. I go to give him his pacifier, when I realize I have poop on my hands. I run to the bathroom and scrub my hands. Baby cries even harder. I run back and put thepacifier in his mouth when I hear second baby start to cry from his swing. I close my eyes and give a little exasperated laugh to keep myself from bursting into tears. This is the second blowout in 2 days. The first time, it was like a celebratory event that deserved to be photographed and documented on video. I couldn't stop laughing and left baby on the changing table to run for my camera.

Funny how quickly things change, because any humor of the situation seemed lost to me this second time around. It wasn't hilarious. It was just more work. 10, 15, 20 minutes spent cleaning poop, instead of doing...anything else!

The next morning made no promises for a better day after second baby pees all over me, the floor, wall, and himself while I'm changing his poopy diaper. WHY AM I NOT GETTING BETTER AT THIS????? I strip both of us down and jump in the shower. Two birds with one stone, so don't judge. Of course, I put more sweats on and my hair in a pony tail because anything else uses too much energy. I feel guilty about this when B gets home, because I want him to remember the young, vivacious woman he married.  Unfortunately, she is just too tired. I go to bed making a mental list of all the things I "must" get done tomorrow.  Clean out the containers of molding food in the fridge, Google "how to remove baby urine stains from carpet",  sweep up powder formula from kitchen floor, move wet laundry currently sitting in the washer to the dryer, do dishes in at least one side of the sink....and...and...I'm out like a light.

I wake up at 1:30 am to a crying baby. I go into the nursery and put his pacifier back in his mouth. He smiles up at me.  I respond with "There is nothing funny about this moment.  You are seriously killing me kid." I lay back down. He cries again. I give him his pacifier. He smiles. I lay back down...again. He cries...again. This time I ask B to go check on him. B whines in his sleep "I'm...just...too..tired..." I get up, give baby his pacifier and hold it for about 2 minutes. He finally calms down and I go back to bed. But, now I'm too awake and I can't go back to sleep for another hour. 5:45 am hits me in the face and I'm up again to go walking with my Pops. I vent. He listens. And I feel refreshed.

And that, my friends, is my week. How was yours?

Monday, October 15, 2012

A Blessing for My Babies


Dear Liam and Finn,

Yesterday you were blessed by your incredible father, with righteous men surrounding. He reminded you that you were born into a family that loves you very much. He blessed you to make good choices, serve faithfully in your responsibilities, and to have inspiration to do good in the world. He blessed each of you to be a righteous father and husband and to love your wife and children. He blessed you to be the best you can be. 

On your special day, family and close friends gathered to celebrate your birth and blessing. 
This is what they had to say:

(Thanks to Laura Thackeray for her filming abilities.)

Babes, I hope you always know how loved you are. Not just by your parents, but by so many. You have come into this world at a time when courage, hope, and faith are greatly needed. 
Be that force.

We love you Liam. I cannot get enough of your "chatter". Just today I laid you in the cradle while I worked on the computer. 2 minutes later, you were cooing and making all sorts of noises. When I turned to look at you, you were smiling to yourself. I pray you never lose your voice. I think it will be one of your great gifts. You are strong, I can already tell. You had a rough start at the beginning and your mama and daddy worried about you a lot. But, we soon realized that when we let you do things in your own time, you arrive at your goal strong and healthy. 

Finn, we love you. Grandma Shaw constantly comments that you have a naturally pleasant nature. That's why she worries so much when you are unhappy. You have the biggest smile and it catches us off guard when we look down at your face. It's like we forget everything else, because it makes us so happy to see that huge grin and those beautiful blue eyes. I have heard you laugh twice and it melted my heart. We know that big noggin is difficult to manage, but we keep reminding you it's holding a big brain. I pray you never lose your positivity. The world needs more of it.

My boys, I am madly in love with your tiny faces. I can't help smooching them every time I pick you up from your crib, the changing table, your carseat, swing, or basically anywhere else. You watch me so closely these days. We have become little buddies and I honestly, sincerely feel you are two of my best friends. 

Loving you more than ever,


Monday, October 8, 2012

"I love you more than I am tired."

Friday night, B's parents offered to watch the twins while we attended the BYU vs. USU football game at LaVell Edwards Stadium. B even ordered a new Aggie shirt for the was that big of deal! We didn't lay our heads down to bed until after 2:00 am. We were absolutely exhausted. But, as we turned the lights out and closed our eyes, I heard my husband whisper in my ear "I love you more than I am tired." Knowing we would be up again anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours later to feed hungry babies and that the word tired wouldn't even come close to describing how we felt, my heart wanted to explode with love for this man laying next to me. How did I end up here? How did my story become so joyful?

Don't get me wrong, we are TIRED. I mean, I thought I knew what this meant before babies, but the last couple months have brought that word into a whole new light. Just when I think I can't be any more exhausted than I already am...I become more exhausted than I already was. But, amazingly enough, we keep going. 14+ diaper changes a day? Pfff. Piece of cake. Over 10 1/2 hours daily of just feeding? C'mon, give us something hard. Non-stop laundry and dishes, only 5-6 hours of sleep a night (depending on if I decide to get up to go early-morning walking with my father), and an endless amount of spit-up? Yep, this is the LIFE.

But, really, we are happy. Really happy. Because every day we get to look into Finn's bright, brilliant blue eyes and listen to Liam snort and coo. Some of my sweetest moments are changing diapers and looking down to find a baby boy smiling up at me. It's my favorite. ABSOLUTE favorite. I get so giddy when I see my babies follow my movements, whether that's getting up to fix a bottle or throw a diaper in the pail and their little heads move to make sure I'm still there.

Liam and Finn are receiving a blessing on Sunday from their father. I get emotional when I think about these sweet babies being held by this strong priesthood holder who loves them so much. He is the patriarch of our home, our provider, and my best friend. I hope our children (current and future) never forget the sacrifice he has made and the sacrifices he continues to make on their behalf. He LOVES his family. They are his greatest joy and he does so much to make sure they are safe, comfortable, and taken care of. I hope our children never doubt that their dad loves their mama. He always has and he always will. He honors me as a wife, a mother, and a woman. Even if things get hectic, people get frustrated, and life is upside down, I could not imagine a more joyful relationship than the one that exists between Brandon and I.

When kids are thrown into the picture, sometimes "passionate romancing" is placed on hold for a minute so babies can be burped and bathed. Greater effort is required to make sure your hunk of burnin' love stays burnin' when you smell like baby throw-up, your hair looks like a bird's nest, and you can't even keep your eyes open long enough to say "Good Night." But I don't think anything could have been more romantic at that moment, at 2 o'clock in the morning, than for a dad of newborn twins to profess to his weary wife that his love for her exceeded the deep, heavy exhaustion that plagued his very bones.

To quote The Office's Pam Halpert: "I didn't even look cute. That's how I knew he meant it."