Friday, January 27, 2012

To: My Body , From: Me

Dear Body:

Lately, you and I have been somewhat butting heads. I know this is primarily due to the little nugget you are baking inside. And I can understand that. But, I can't help but feel a little frustrated that NO MATTER what I do, you give me no relief. There are thousands of beautiful, strong women who have been pregnant before me and they forged ahead with courage and determination...eventually conquering the early pregnancy uglies. And for a small moment, after my flippin' 5:30 am morning walks with my darling father, I feel that determination and courage. I will eat breakfast, shower, start the laundry, do the dishes, make the bed, vacuum, take the Christmas wreaths down off the front lights, set up my visiting teaching appts, practice hymns for sacrament meeting, go grocery shopping, teach my scheduled piano lessons for the day, and have a beautiful, healthy meal all cooked and ready to eat by the time my adorable, hardworking husband comes home from work. It's perfect, beautiful, and uncomplicated.

So...I eat my breakfast. About 20 minutes later I am on the couch, trying to avoid the toilet. I fall asleep, because that seems to get my mind off of puking. I wake up about an hour later, feeling icky. I eat some saltines and pop a "Preggie Pop" in my mouth (Thank you Carrie for dropping those off. You are a dear.) I start to feel a little better. I get up to check my email, etc. After about 20 minutes, I am down on the couch again, trying to avoid the toilet. Ummm..body? Do you understand that I am SO OVER visits to the toilet which involve...well, you know. I eat some goldfish and watch another episode of The Office, trying desperately to distract myself. (Um, can I say that I have memorized more of this show than I am willing to admit? The Office and I have become close due to large amounts of time laying on the couch and the fact that everything else on Netflix annoys me or is uninteresting.) Pretty soon I'm feeling hungry, but nausea makes me feel gaggy about eating what I'm craving. Does that make sense? It doesn't to me. So, I get up anyway to make myself a sandwich, open a sugar free pudding cup, or grab some pickles. (Cliche. I also enjoy green olives.) And this cycle continues to repeat itself over and over. Sometimes, trips to the toilet are just unavoidable. A lot of times, there is a piano lesson in the afternoon. Usually I'm barely showered and in sweats and a hat. No makeup. No makeup at all. Before bed, I look at myself in the mirror. I ask "What have you accomplished today? What happened to all you goals? What happened to the determination and courage?"

Then I see my eyebrows and am appalled at how outgrown and under-groomed they are. Disgusting. Which reminds me, when was the last time I shaved my legs? Ugh, I don't want to think about it. I can't stand the smell of our dang bathroom, so I spray some more Febreeze and shut the door. Now I can't stand the smell of our bedroom. I walk down the hall to get some water from the fridge. I look at the dishes and my gag reflex flares up. I breath through my mouth. Why is everything so gross?

As we get into bed, I pop a Jolly Rancher in my mouth, because....of course I'm STILL trying to avoid the toilet. At this point, my sweet husband wants to cuddle and kiss and all I can think is "You've got to be kidding me?"

Oh body. So many things are changing for us, and because you are MY body, of course you don't like change. Not one bit. You and I are similar that way. We are extra sensitive to anything different or unusual. We've never been pregnant before and being pregnant is a pretty BIG change. In the quiet of the night, after my stomach settles, my thoughts turn to this little precious being we are growing. At that moment, I love you. I love that you have this capability. I love that you were created for this. And I am grateful you continue to give me feedback that things are going well...even if that feedback brings me to my knees next to the toilet. Sometimes I feel guilty for complaining so much. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with frankly stating that the last few weeks have been (pardon) damn hard. They have. Maybe thousands of other women are stronger, better at this. And that's okay. To them I say "God Speed!" But for you and I, body, we continue to endure. Not necessarily always enjoying, but enduring. My thoughts turn to my mission. Would I say I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE DAY of my missionary service? No. Up until the past few weeks, it was the hardest thing I ever did. But can I say my mission brought joy and, if given the choice again, I would make the same decision to serve? Absolutely. I have a feeling the next several months will be similar to this, with the exception that we will be blessed with a beautiful baby at the finish line.

So, I continue to pray for relief. Relief for you, body. I know you are working so hard to do what you were created to do. In a couple of weeks, we will be past the 1st leg of this race called "pregnancy". B and I look to it with hope and excitement...mostly praying some relief will be found and we can experience more of the joys. In the meantime, I will try and not strangle or curse at "helpful" people who remind me that some women have this their whole pregnancy and it may last for the next 6 1/2 months, so I need to be prepared or learn to "deal" with it. Really? Of all the encouraging things to say to a hormonal pregnant woman who is sick and tired of being SICK AND TIRED? You really thought THAT would make me feel uplifted, motivated, and ready to "kick it" into high gear? Hmmm. Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no.

And on that note, I think I'll use the bathroom.


Monday, January 16, 2012

EXCITING Announcement!

Ahem, Ahem...

Click HERE for The Johnson's latest news and BIGGEST announcement of the year.
You don't want to miss this. 

B and I celebrated our 1st Anniversary on Saturday.
What does a 1st Anniversary look like when you're 8 weeks pregnant?
Pajamas, take-out, and Spongebob Squarepants.
Don't you dare judge me. 
Maybe if you constantly felt like puking, sleeping, puking, sleeping, and puking you would opt for a little more "relaxed" type of celebration as well. 
It amazes me how much a 1.25 cm "nugget" can wreak so much havoc on your body.
Because that's exactly what our little nugget has done...for both of us.
B has been the perfect working husband AND house husband. 
Dishes, laundry, cooking, runs to the store, serving, cleaning...the list goes on and on.
I keep waiting for the day he throws down the towel and declares, with his fist in the air:

"You invalid! How many more times can I possibly drive to Ream's in one day? And could you be any more dramatic about how much you hate the smell of our house? Oh, and I'm done running all the way down the hall to our bedroom bathroom, because you've made the guest bathroom "off limits" for "puking use only."

Of course, he hasn't yet. And I doubt he will. But I keep preparing.
In the meantime, we will both enjoy the ultrasound picture our doctor took for us today of our little bean and give thanks for the blessing of being pregnant. 
Because it is a blessing...even if my body feels otherwise.
Hip Hip Hooray 'cause Baby Johnson is on it's way!!!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Christmas 2011

I guess I'm a little past due with blogging, since my sisters got on my case. I think they just want to see pictures of their beautiful faces and posts describing how absolutely wonderful they are...which wouldn't be far from the truth.

Holidays can be fun...when you're not stressed about the food you're going to cook or the gifts you have left to buy or make. This year was our first Christmas as a married couple. This year was also my first "handmade" Christmas...which caused a little bit of worry, stress, and extra time. But I think everyone liked their gifts, which is a payday for all the frantic effort given to make sure things didn't look like a kindergartener had put them together. (Nothing against Kindergarteners, by the way.)

Here are some highlights of our Christmas extravaganza:

Christmas Eve was spent with the Johnson's. We went out to dinner at Olive Garden and then came home to open some gifts. Take note of the lovely BYU Cougar santa hats given to us by Lori and Carl. They are the bomb! We also got a new BYU flag to hang on our car on game day. Lori was playing the piano for a special Christmas Eve song devotional for their ward, so we went to that afterwards. The night ended with a rousing game of "It Came To PASS". This is the game we played on the first day I met the Johnsons. Have you ever played it? It is so fun, so I bought it for our family for Christmas and the Shaw's absolutely love it and ask us to bring it at every gathering.

Christmas morning, we opened our gifts to each other and headed over to the Shaw's for some Christmas breakfast. I opted to help out with the breakfast and make some breakfast taquitos. Dad cooked sourdough pancakes and, of course, traditional cinnamon rolls. In the midst of getting breakfast ready, we opened gifts. I decided to go handmade on W's gift, which you can see above. I was pretty pleased with myself. We also got her a fleece throw, just in case the necklaces were a complete disaster. I think she enjoyed both...although I haven't seen here wear my creations yet. She will. I know she will. In the meantime, Tay will steal them and wear them instead. 

After breakfast, we headed home to get ready for church. We got there a couple of minutes late and we had to walk up to the choir seats in front of the whole packed congregation, while my pantyhose kept falling down and I had to grab them from behind...trying to be nonchalant. Let's just say, by the end of the meeting, my nylons were down by my knees. Total. Disaster. Oh well.

I didn't grab any pictures of the rest of the day, unfortunately, but we had lunch/dinner with the Birch family and played some monopoly. It was a holiday full of FAMILY, which is the way it should be.  We love our family.