A run for my money...and everything else I don't want broken!

Twins. You are almost 14 months old and, boy, there's little rest.

On Sunday morning, I woke up around 5:30 am with a bit of anxiety. Anxiety about taking you to Stake Conference, which takes place between 10 am - 12 pm, which is the exact time that your morning naps take place. Church is really kicking our fannies right now and I need to readjust my expectations. Majorly.

Neither of you are walking yet, but you like to "walk" with the assistance of items around the house, i.e, chairs, boxes, and garbage cans. You never, NEVER sit still unless you're pretty tired, and even then, it's for about a maximum of 30 seconds. You have figured out how to crawl up the stairs, but not down. Liam, you have taken a head dive off your changing table. Finn, you have taken a head dive off your highchair and our bed.  Finn, you were introduced to "timeout" last week when you continued to hit and push your brother down. Liam, you were introduced to "timeout" yesterday when you bit your brother really hard on his arm, almost breaking the skin.

Finn, you know how to open doors. And that scares your parents. Liam, it's only a matter of time and you'll be right along with him. Because you guys are really into that lately. You know, the "do things together and gang up on mom" thing. It's cute, until it's complete chaos. Then, it's just...chaos.  And Grandpa and Grandma J's porcelain vase gets broken. And garbage is strewn about the hallway. And your dad's keys have gone missing. And my magazines are shredded behind the couch. And the bathtub faucet is running in our bathroom. And all the floor vents have been removed. And my nice dinner napkins, measuring cups, and dish towels have been reassigned to the kitchen floor.

Is it any wonder your dad comes home to a puddle of a wife?

Toddlerhood. We're approaching it. 

A SPECIAL Reunion

There was a reunion last night. It might be the only reunion I have ever felt excited about and anxious to attend. Last night B and I took the children to LDS Hospital's Special Care Nursery reunion for patients and families. We visited with nurses and doctors who cared for our babies and met other families who had the "opportunity" to spend time there as well.

When we found a place to sit and eat some ice cream, I watched as parents approached nurses with their baby in tow and ask "Do you remember us?" I knew what those parents were thinking, because the same things were running through my head. "Do you remember us? Because we remember you. We will never forget you. You were the one that watched over our baby. You checked his stats and gave him IV's. You made sure he had the right medicine, food, and warmth. You bathed him. You changed his clothes. You held and soothed him when I couldn't be there.  You taught me how to use my body to nourish and feed my baby. You hugged me when I wept from being overwhelmed and assured me that everything would work out. You made the NICU experience manageable and almost a sacred experience. You were our baby's nurse and you will never be forgotten."

(Sarah was/is one of our favorite nurses. The SCN is EXACTLY where she belongs.)

They had a little isolette bed for parents to look at and reminisce. I got a little emotional when I went up to it and pictured my tiny preemie babies lying there under the warmer. My mind went back to the day they were born and when my L&D nurse wheeled me in to the SCN just so I could see them for the first time.

As we walked out of the hospital, I looked back and thought about how heartbroken I was the first night I had to leave without my babes. I smiled to myself as I carried my healthy, happy Finn on my hip and Liam right behind me with B. Last night, I left that hospital with full hands and a full heart.

Much thanks to LDS Hospital Special Care Nursery 

That Mom in the Mirror

We moved into our new home. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I am tired. I am feeling lots of things, including a little anxious, lonely, and...tired. I'm pretty sure these feelings are normal when you move your family into an area where you know nobody, but only briefly introduced yourself to two neighbors and you still have boxes and boxes of stuff to put away and your kids are still trying to get back into the "groove" and you just want to sit on your couch, but you don't have a couch because you bought new couches and they won't be delivered until this afternoon.

Yet, the prayer I offered in my car, while sitting at a stoplight yesterday, didn't have to do with any of these things. Instead, my short discussion with the Lord during a "routine" grocery trip centered on the woman I saw in the mirror just minutes earlier before departing from my new house. Just like many mornings, that woman had woken up, fed the children breakfast, cleaned the children from breakfast, fed herself breakfast, changed two poopy diapers, rocked two fussy babies, put those babies down for a nap, jumped in the shower, put on some lounge clothes, pulled her hair in a bun, and threw a hat on over it. When she looked at herself...really looked at herself, she cringed at the frumps, lumps, and bumps.

Tell me mamas, does this sound familiar? Am I the only one with a sweet elderly neighbor who comes over to visit and remarks "Megan, I didn't know what to think when I saw you that one Sunday with your hair down and make-up on. I thought to myself 'Wow, she's actually pretty.'"? Is there anyone out there who puts their cute top and jeans on, only to take them off an hour later because: A) It's more comfortable chasing babies around the house, picking up laundry, or wiping the floor B) It only takes an hour for juice, sticky peanut butter, and/or poop to become an accessory on said cute top and jeans C) Cute top and jeans don't fit well over that soft, delicious middle you've been "building" up?

Sitting at the stoplight, I turned my music down and I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes and I placed my forehead in my hand. The words came out loud "Man, I'm feeling so worthless." Frustrated, but momentarily distracted with the task(s) at hand, I forgot about this little prayer until 9:30 that evening when I read THIS. I even read it aloud to B.

I woke up this morning and looked at that mom in the mirror again. And a little bit of warmth filled my heart when I glanced over those frumps, lumps, and bumps...

Feeling grateful and empowered today. 

*Got our summer family pictures back. They turned out lovely. 

Party Day!

We celebrated Liam and Finn's 1st Birthday on Saturday. We started the party with a trip to Thanksgiving Point's Farm Country. I was surprised to find Liam soaking up the whole experience with wonder and excitement, while Finn was less than thrilled to be out in the sun, looking at, hearing, and smelling funny animals.

Liam interacting with the goat and watching the horses

Finn with Auntie Whit, Carson, and Grandpa J

Taking a break in the shade!

I think everyone had a good time at the farm...although it was stinkin' hot.
At one point B turned to me and asked "Why did you have to give birth in July?"
I didn't even grace that with an answer.

*****
After the farm, everyone came together at the Shaw's house for some dinner.

I am not a cook or baker. But I did make this cake. Mom and I spent all night and morning putting this together, including the banner. Maybe all that time watching "Cake Boss" paid off...okay you can stop laughing now.

Cake Time: Circle the 2 things that are different in this picture.
Liam devoured his piece and Finn had a "slight" meltdown.

Gift Time went a little better.

The night ended with letting our balloons go.

Happy 1st Birthday Baby Boys! We love you so much!

**Note: I feel prompted to make a statement here. When the day was over and we had laid the children down to bed, I sat on our bed and started to cry. When B asked what was wrong, I expressed with regret how I had missed out on the whole spirit of the day because I was too stressed about making sure everything was perfect, that my kids were excited, and people were satisfied. Instead of soaking in the day for what it was and slowing down to really enjoy my children on their birthday, I was overly anxious and completely wiped out physically and emotionally from worrying about things that really don't matter. I have since vowed to not make that mistake again. Just embrace the moment, because it won't happen again. 

Liam and Finn turn ONE!

Yep. You heard me right. We flippin' made it! We are here. We have arrived. There were so many days and nights I wondered how this milestone would feel. What would my babies look like? What would I look like? What would our home look like? It's pretty much how I figured: Babies are beautiful, I am a little ragged and a little frumpy, but hopeful, and our home is...well, right now it's a complete mess due to buying a new home, packing our old home, and two 1 year olds getting into EVERYTHING. But let's be honest, it's always a mess- sometimes complete and the rest of the time almost complete.

Liam and Finn. You are 1 year old today. I can't believe it. That guy on the plane was right- the days were loooong, but the year was short. You are such an incredible blessing. How do I put it any differently? When I look at you both, my heart smiles. Sometimes my heart has to smile because my face is working on staying awake. I have never felt more tired in my life. I have never felt more anxiety in my life. I have never felt more insignificant in my life. These are true feelings I've had over the past 12 months, but it's also completely true that I have never felt SO MUCH LOVE in my life.

You have changed our lives forever.
We will never be the same.
And we are grateful.

Liam, you are so smart. You are SO smart. You will copy almost anything we do. You LOVE music. You LOVE to dance. You LOVE to sing. You are crawling and pulling yourself up. You weigh 21 pounds. I think that has to do with you eating like a mad man. I think you've been going through a growth spurt, because it's like you're constantly hungry and will eat anything I put in front of you. You are not my picky eater right now, which kind of surprises me. You are amazing.

Finn, you are one happy baby. Seriously so happy. I swear you live off the motto "Live life to the fullest". You make me laugh and I enjoy watching you explore every inch of this house. Okay, not every inch because I don't like the idea of you getting into the toilet or eating the dead spider that's hanging by the front door (To be honest, every time I see that thing I say to myself "Go get the broom and get that thing cleaned up!" but then I say goodbye to my visitors or go pick up the mail from the mailbox or take the kids for a walk and by the time I close the door, I've completely forgotten. So there.). Finn, I hope you never lose your positive attitude. I really believe that's one of the gifts you came to this earth with. You are wonderful.

Babies, to be honest, I wish your 1st birthday was a better experience for you. Liam, you woke up from your nap today with a fever. We gave you some baby Tylenol and checked your temperature again 1 hour later and your fever had gotten worse! So, we ended up at Dr. Valentine's office and you had to get a blood test and 2 swabs in your throat. You were not happy. We think you caught what Finn had a couple days earlier, when he had to go to the doctor's office at 8:00 pm, wait for an hour to see the doctor, then get a catheter placed for a urine test. It was the WORST. I wanted to cry as I held him down and daddy and I tried to sing Primary songs. Man, being a parent is just crummy sometimes.

Even though the past couple days have been hard, you are still happy, lovely babies. And you still smile at Daddy and I, even though you feel awful. What sweet little troopers you are.

In honor of your 1st birthday, I have put together a little video:

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY MY SONS. I LOVE YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH. 

Love, Mama

Good days.

Today was the first day in a about a week that I've felt back to my normal self. The boys caught a little cold, which means I caught it, which means B caught it. Unfortunately, it seems I got hit the worst and I was down over the whole 4th of July weekend. Super bummed, especially since B took that Friday off of work. On top of that, the stress of buying and moving to a new home has me going bonkers.

So...today was nice.

Around noon, the doorbell rang and one of the most wonderful ladies was on our doorstep-Joyce Stay! Joyce and her husband Larry are currently serving as mission president in Guatemala and it's their house that we've been living in for the past 2 years. Some of the wisest, most humble people I've ever met. I remember the first night we slept in their house and I felt safe, peaceful, and comfortable. And I remember the thought coming into my head "The Spirit is so strong here. I want to keep it that way."

(B, me, Joyce's daughter Cesia, Finn, Joyce, and Liam) 

P.S. Awful picture of me and Liam's not looking, but I'm choosing not to care because I love this picture and these people.

We had a chance to chat for a minute about the work they're doing in Guatemala, our new house, the babes, and their son's wedding on Tuesday. Such lovely women. I love me some Stays! 

Later tonight, we took the children to the grocery store and then remembered FREE slurpees at 7Eleven. We set the babes in their highchairs, stripped their clothes, and let them have a taste. Do you think they enjoyed it? 

After, we gave sticky babies baths, put on some pjs and killed another 45 minutes with some family dance time. I don't know what it is, but when B dances I just fall in love with him all over again. Love me some dancing B. 

I'm looking out my window and the sun is setting. The birds are quiet and my children are "trying" to fall asleep. I am contemplative and saying a little prayer of thanks for a good day. We need those every once in a while, right? 

Hair be gone!

The boys got their first haircut on Tuesday. They aren't my little babies any more, they are my little boys! At least that's what they look like. My good friend agreed to cut their hair at the same time she cut mine. I had her mama hold the boys while I took pictures, which, of course, turned out terrible because, of course, I don't check my ISO settings on my camera, which, of course, B always has to remind me of every time I get the camera out. I'm so lame.

So, here are "touched up" pics of this monumental event:

Liam cried for the most part. 

He is a little weary of weird, buzzing things touching his head. 

Although, Nat was amazingly quick and prepared for this situation.  

Finn was less irritated, but still preferred to be down on the floor playing...

or eating. 

More evidence of how lame I am, I haven't even taken official "after" pictures of the children, but I do have some pics of this morning's 4th of July neighborhood breakfast. Will you forgive me then? 

Never mind, you can't even see Liam's hair because of his helmet. 

Man, I'm so lame. 

Don't judge me. I basically rolled right out of bed, got the kids up, put on a hat, and walked with my family down to the breakfast celebration. 

Hey, it's a lot better than last year...two weeks before I delivered twins. 

Happy 4th of July! I love my country. 

I worry about it constantly and wonder about it's future.

But, I still have faith in the principles on which it was built. 

And I pray for this "land of the free" and "home of the brave" every day.