Tuesday, July 3, 2012

A fresh batch of grapes vs. crabby apples.

Summer. I'm usually in love with it and start counting down days in March to when I can jump in the pool, sit on the lawn, barefoot, with family and friends to chat and watch fireworks, camp and roast marshmallows up in the canyon, and head to the local amusement park. Summer means hotdogs, whitewater rafting, birthday cake, flip flops, and volleyball in my parents' backyard. It's the beautiful flowers, the green grass, the chirping birds, and the laughter of kids running through the sprinklers and chasing each other with the hose.

Summer. I'm usually in love with it. But, this year? I'm afraid my love affair has been put on hold.  Summer, don't take it personally. It's not you. It's me. It's all blasted me. Pool time has been cut down due to weariness of being seen and/or fitting into my dang maternity swimsuit, if I sat down on the grass to watch fireworks, you would never get me back up, going up the canyon to do anything seems too exhausting and those winding hills are a recipe for nausea and/or "stops" on the side of the road, and I'm too dang big to ride any rides at an amusement park...besides that stupid "sky ride" at Lagoon, which I hate (Maybe the train? No. Not even worth it.)

Hot dogs and birthday cake make my heartburn/reflex worse, there is no life jacket that could fit around my bulging belly for a trip down the river (Plus, sleeping on the ground, in a tent = pure agony and, again, you wouldn't be able to get me back up. Considering the fact I have to use the potty about 3-4 times every night, this could be a problem.), swollen feet make it hard to wear any shoes...including flip flops, and volleyball would be a complete FAIL, unless I could just sit in one spot and bounce the ball off my belly. This blasted heat makes yard work so hard, so my flowers are practically nothing and our poor grass is suffering, and chirping birds outside my window at 5:00 am usually means I have suffered through another night of no sleep due to aching ligaments, little bladder control, and terrible reflux.

I have to admit, I continued to dwell on these things this weekend as B and I ran some errands. Every time we would walk from the store to the car in the blaring sun and I would sit, waiting for B to load the groceries or bags into the trunk, I would feel the urge to climb that "crabby apple tree".  Tired, hot, emotional, and huge are all ingredients for a little tantrum. When we finally got home, I basically fell onto the couch, mindlessly staring at the wall. That's when B brought in a cold, crisp batch of purple grapes. They looked perfect, and let me say, they tasted even better.  I watched my husband as he would pop a grape into his mouth and then look at me and smile. I understood the "joy" he was feeling with every bite of cool, crisp, juiciness. It was like heaven. At least for me, everything else I was feeling faded away and all I was focused on, at that moment, was how good those grapes tasted.

I've pondered on this, especially after my husband, trying to be cute and funny, opened up a scripture during sacrament meeting on Sunday. Genesis 3:16:

Unto the awoman he said, I will greatly bmultiply thy csorrowand thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth dchildren; and thy desire shall be to thy ehusband, and he shall rule over thee.

He looked at me with a little smile on his face and asked "Feeling sorrow?" I looked down at my swollen bare feet. (Forgive me, but shoes came off the minute the meeting started.) All I could do was look back at him and nod with a pathetic grimace on my face. We both quietly giggled to ourselves and I laid my head on his shoulder.

Okay, we're on the last leg of this race. About 1 more month to go. Can we do it? Can we survive? I know many of you are probably laughing to yourself, thinking "Oh, if she only knew what life will be like once these babies get here. Silly, silly girl." You're probably right. But life is still a bit uncomfortable and hard these days. More often than not, I am stripped down to my garments, plastered in front of the fan. Thank heaven our AC decided to work again, that little jokester.

Unfortunately, it's a bit easier to throw the "crabby apples" instead of enjoying the "fresh grapes" of life, especially when your body is exhausted and hardly comfortable. I have to admit, I'm guilty of this. But, after my husband shared his scripture, my favorite scripture about the Savior popped into my mind almost immediately. Alma 7: 11-12:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and aafflictions andbtemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12 And he will take upon him adeath, that he may bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to csuccor his people according to their infirmities.
I am grateful. My fear of sharing my feelings about the "discomforts" of pregnancy is a misunderstanding that I am ungrateful. This has been one of the most incredible things my body has ever done. My pregnancy has been hard on me, but my babies are healthy and strong. Every night my husband and I kneel together in prayer, asking that my body will be able to sustain the "afflictions" and "sorrow" that come from carrying 2 babies. Amazingly, it has done well. That is no coincidence.

During this last month of pregnancy, I have made a huge goal for myself:
Focus on the grapes! 
I will make a conscious effort to find the joy, not the sorrow of this experience. Excitement continues to grow as the arrival of our beautiful baby boys draws near. I can't wait to hold them in my arms and count their fingers and toes. I can't wait to kiss their little heads and memorize every part of their faces. I know things are bound to get crazier, but bring it on! The Johnson's are excited!

In other news, I celebrated my 27th birthday.
Mom and dad had a little birthday dinner for me at their house and the Johnson's joined us.

We had another ultrasound today and babies are measuring 3 lbs 15 oz and 3 lbs 14 oz. They are healthy little horses and I think it might be due to mom's birthday wish for me- Healthy Babbies

1 comment:

  1. You can do it! So many people are praying for you, and your Savior will comfort you in this "infirmity". You will soon see those healthy babbies!