Sometimes, I lay in bed at the end of the day and I think about what life would be like if I only had 1 baby. What would be different? Baths. Feedings. Laundry. Going out ANYWHERE. Playtime (believe it or not). Two hands and two arms are perfect for one baby. One crying baby is easy to hold and comfort, rock or read a book. One poopy, blow-out baby is only 15-20 minutes or less of cleaning, changing, and/or bathing. One sick baby is one snotty nose to wipe and one set of tears and one restless body to soothe in the middle of the night. One baby makes for a happier budget. One crib, carseat, high chair, bouncer, and expensive piece of "head gear"and no multiplying the formula, food, clothes, diapers and wipes by 2. One cranky baby in church is only one parent out in the hallway at a time. One baby in the grocery store is half the people stopping you to look and chat.
Let's get real- I have had at least one meltdown every day this week. Almost every day this week, I have offered a desperate prayer (on the couch, middle of the family room floor, nursery, and bathroom) for an explanation from the Lord why He thought it was a good idea to send me 2 at once. I have questioned my worth and abilities as a mother and wife multiple times each day this week. I have cried, cried, and cried some more. Let's get real- I have seriously considered hiding under the bed with ear plugs. My trips to the bathroom are a few minutes longer than it takes to do my business. And I have actually tried subliminal messaging "Sleeeeep, sleeeeeep, sleeeeeep." with an out-loud "Pleeeeaaase!!!" to my children while they lay in their beds crying. I have also eaten too much Trader Joe's Speculoos Cookie Butter than is good for me.
Yet, amongst all this chaos and crying, I have found small, real moments that take my breath away. Yesterday, I watched my husband play with the boys on our bed. I watched their little faces fill with joy and laughter and my heart burst. I remember that my favorite part of the day is not necessarily when I lay my babies down to bed, but when I come into their room in the morning and they start kicking their legs and flinging their arms all about in happiness that I am still here and I have come for them once again. They love to be loved...by me. I am their world right now. And they are mine.
One baby is wonderful, joyous, and beautiful. But two babies? It's only fair that if the work be multiplied exponentially, that joy, fulfillment, and happiness is as well. When B and I vent to each other, the question always seems to be asked "Yeah, but really, who would we send back?" and the answer is always a firm "Neither." And we are content once again.
People tell me it gets easier. And, believe me, I hold on to that with everything I've got. I also recognize that there are mamas out there, including good friends, who have three children under 3. Four children under 5. And I know things could always get more complicated and there could always be more work. My mother-in-law had her second baby when B was a little less than 2 years old. Sometimes that seems like it would be harder than having two at the same time. Maybe.
Twins are hard. But let's get real- they are wonderful too. Two sets of eyes looking up at you adoringly, four little feet to kiss and munch on all day, and if they can cry in unison, they can jabber and laugh in unison...which is music to my ears. And next week is another week. Just hoping for less crying...from all of us. :)
