Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A little letter to remind you I still love you.

Sleep. No sleep. Sleep. No sleep. Sleep. No sleep... It's a gamble lately. 
And gambling sleep makes an unhappy mama. Which makes an unhappy daddy. 
Which makes easy things become difficult and difficult things become impossible. 
And it comes to a head when tired, grumpy mama and daddy try communicating at the end of the day and daddy ends up falling asleep while mama expresses her feelings. Wow. 

So, while contemplating this situation after B leaves this morning, 
I happen upon this:
And I write a letter to my love:

I'm sorry I was kind of unhappy yesterday...and last week...and the
past few months. Life is hard right now for both of us. We each have
our own personal struggles and we have our struggles together as a
couple and as parents. I realize today that I want to be the person
you can turn to and rely on for comfort and unconditional love. I
haven't been a great example of that love and I'm sorry. I'm sorry
that it seems I have a grocery list of "don'ts" every time we talk. I
let things build and build and then it all comes spewing out like a
fire hydrant and you get blasted in the face. You make me happy,
Brandon. You really do. You are doing a good job at this husband/dad
thing. I know it's not easy. I get that. I really get that. And when
our babies don't sleep well during the night, it's really REALLY hard
to be positive, upbeat, forgiving, and kind. Sleep is good for our
health. Period. And we aren't getting a lot lately (Sleep, that is.;) ).

I love you B. I really, really love you. And my goal is to spend more
time worrying about things that DO matter and let go of things that
aren't worth my energy.

With all my heart,

1 minute later, I get this response:

Thank you, my love!

Life is difficult for us right now, but in many ways we have it pretty good. We have healthy children, a warm place to sleep, enough money for our needs, and, most of all, we have each other.

I love you,

Happy Valentines to all my tired mamas and daddy's. May you "get some" this Thursday...including sleep. It's a fine line these days. 

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